...random musings... |
Not really a blog, but more a compilation of things I think and care about. As for me...my twitter bio says the following "SAPro in Res Life focused on wellness & congruence all around: heart, mind, and body...struggling PhD student...oh, and a singer in my free time." |
Really great stuff. Such talent, spoken truth.
I got this amazing email today and just had to share
Dear Franchesca,
First of all, I loved your video, Shit White Girls Say to Black Girls. It was so funny and well done. As a white woman not only did it make me laugh but it also made me think, “have I ever said something like that?” And…
A hilarious, thought-provoking video. It’s getting a lot of attention… next I’ll re-blog an email the creator got on her blog that hits the nail on the head….
So, #sachat has encouraged me to think about one word to represent focus and vision for the New Year.
As I have thought about this over the last few days, I have to admit the word that I keep coming back bleeds over from December 2011 and my experience at the Social Justice Training Institute (SJTI). My word…
MINDFUL
When we first arrived at SJTI we were asked to write down a phrase or quote that represented social justice to us- not just write it down, but write it on our name tag, under our name, that would be worn for the next 4 days. I was nervous about the experience and what I knew was before me. I had trouble recalling a quote (so much pressure!), and the only thing I could think of was what I had being pumping myself up to do as I approached the experience- to be mindful. I knew that SJTI would bring up a lot of emotions, thoughts, feelings- you name it- as 40 people of various backgrounds, from all across the country came together to discuss race and social justice.
I wanted to be myself and to be mindful at SJTI- to explore the thoughts and feelings that might come up for me and not just push them aside to move forward. I found in my adult life, that I often do just that. I have not spent appropriate time reflecting, alone with my thoughts, exploring what they might mean. In fact, more often than not, I find myself pushing them aside in an effort for efficiency or to move to the next task- or maybe even to minimize or discount them.
It was an amazing exercise- something that will obviously take practice for me, as I fumbled around with it a bit. However, I found that I talked less and listened more. Listening for me was powerful and it allowed me to be mindful- to pay attention to my feelings and thoughts in the moment and beyond. I didn’t pressure myself to have an immediate answer, dismiss my thought, or ignore myself to move forward. So, I’d like to continue the practice in 2012 of being mindful.
It means a few things to me now as I look into the New Year (and likely more will come):
So, that’s my one word for 2012: MINDFUL. What is yours?
Trying to escape the constant stream of too much information.
Recently saw Chris Tomlin in concert. Louie Giglio was with him and shared this same talk. This is really great stuff. Stars and whales singing God’s praise. Honored and happy to be a part of that symphony with the stars in the sky and the creatures of the sea.
Day #29 - A song from my childhood
“Don’t Rain on My Parade” - Barbra Streisand
My mom loves Barbra Streisand, so pretty much any time I hear her I think of my mom and growing up. I mean really, is there anyone better for a girl growing up singing to look up too? I actually didn’t not watch Funny Girl until recently, but remember the music playing…I think it might be my mom’s favorite movie.
Day #28 - A song that makes me feel guilty
“I Can Love You Like That” - John Michael Montgomery
I almost skipped this one, but since I had come up with a song for every other day in the challenge….I thought of this one. Mostly making me feel guilty for not treating someone that “loved me like that” better.
So, I promised to get to the “life changing” part of my post viral-meningitis experience. I’ve been away at a conference in New Orleans, so it has taken me some time to get back to it.
Before I got sick my friend Cindy asked me to join her in a Bible study at her church. A woman was leading it from College Station that had recently published her first study, Kasey Van Norman. It was a minimal commitment- 6 weeks, and I have been exploring the idea of going to church. I decided to say yes. I knew it was called “Named By God”, but other than that I really did not know much about it.
Unfortunately, I missed the first two weeks due to being sick (or still too tired to go). I started trying to keep up on my own, but was struggling a bit. I was trying to be positive about it, but I doubted everything I was reading.
Week three I finally went to hear this woman teach. She was real. She was down to earth. And, while she was definitely sharing information that challenged me, I was not completely closed off to her message. Sitting here now I cannot even remember what she was talking about. However, she gained some credibility with me that night- mostly because she didn’t seem arrogant or judgmental. I decided maybe I should put some time into her study.
Monday, July 4, on my day off from work I sat down with my breakfast at my kitchen table and went through several days of her Bible study. It is set up kind of like a work-book, you spend 20-30 minutes each day going though each week. I spent a couple hours catching up through week two. This study is rocking my world. July 4, 2011 may go down as a pretty significant one in terms of my spiritual life. I am beginning to understand a godly perspective on being hurt, being a hurter, and forgiveness. Two verses of Scripture resonated with me that day:
“It is for freedom that Christ set us free; Stand firm, then, and do not be burdened again by a yoke of slavery” Galatians 5:1
“I pray that our of His glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And, I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge- that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” Ephesians 3:16-19
Freedom and love that surpasses knowledge: I am a thinker, through and through. I want to understand things. I want to know the why behind things. I need to know that those who teach me know what they are talking about. In many ways this has helped me in academia. It has also helped me grow farther and farther from God. I’ve questioned and questioned God and His ways. However, perhaps there is great freedom in understanding that God’s love for me surpasses knowledge. I am never going to have the answers on that one….and maybe that’s OK. Honestly, it is overwhelming.
Some how, along they way, I began to think that my work as an “open-minded” Student Affairs professional and my place as a child of God were mutually exclusive. Honestly, I am still figuring that one out. That might have to be a post down the road. However, I read something that has encouraged me beyond belief:
From Kasey Van Norman’s blog (“Learning to Fly” www.kaseyvannorman.com Google Reader dates it as Sept 10, 2010…but I am guessing it is older):
“The love God offers His created beings is OH so much richer…so much sweeter. When you begin to fly, that is, experience this kind of love & in return, give it to others, you are experiencing a kind of fullness that can only be described as supernatural. You begin to find all your freedom wrapped up in your surrender. Nothing, I mean, NOTHING has to do with YOU anymore…not your needs, not your desire to pick up that drink or smoke, not your tendency to lose your cool or over-eat, not your desire to sleep with that guy or girl to feed your self-esteem issues, & certainly NO negativity toward others. You see, in the riches of God’s love, everything is brighter…more radiant. Even the rain begins to fall like crystals tossed from His hand & the heat of the day becomes more like God’s touch against your body.
You no longer see skin color or denomination; you no longer see a murderer, adulterer, or a liar. You no longer see what you wish a person would be, but instead, you see a person who God designed…desires…and loves. Yes, even the child abuser or rapist…they too are beloveds of the Lord, and you begin to understand the TRUTH…these people will never be reached through religion or law or standards. They will only succumb to the love of Jesus Christ flowing through me & you into a relationship with them.”
If I can get there- to that place of “flying” she describes, I can only imagine I would be a better Student Affairs professional.
I don’t really attribute this to my experience with viral meningitis; however, spending 5 nights in the hospital (one of those in ICU) can make you question your mortality. I think I started this journey of wanting to live better earlier in the year- from watching Brene Brown’s TED talk on vulnerability to trying to live a more healthy life, I think it all has led me to this point where God used a Bible study to completely rock my world. I am beyond thankful for my friend Cindy and her patience with me. She has never given up hope that I would re-discover my relationship with God. I appreciate her for getting me started with this study.
Like I said, life-changing stuff (well, at least I hope so)…
